Showing Up When Life Sucks: The Un-Boring Daily Tools That Anchor Us
This is a raw look at how one family is finding stability and emotional resilience during a season of profound grief. Discover the simple, 'boring' daily habits, like mindful movement, prioritizing gut health, and authentic communication, that become your lifeline when life feels hard.
Hello friends,
As we head into this holiday season, I want to share a raw, honest look at where our family is right now. You may have seen my recent message about the difficult news we received, which has settled a blanket of grief over our household. The usual holiday cheer simply doesn't feel authentic right now, and that's okay.
When life hands you a situation that is unfixable, a time when you cannot change the reality of the pain, you have two choices: you can surrender to the chaos, or you can commit to the small, boring acts of self-preservation. We are choosing the latter, not to solve the grief, but to anchor ourselves so we don't drift away entirely.
We’ve learned that the prep for rough times isn't about living in fear of what might go wrong; it’s about establishing simple routines that become your lifeline when things inevitably do. Here are a few things that are keeping our household moving right now:
1. Moving the Body to Process the Pain
When the lockdown began a few years ago, we instinctively prioritized exercise for everyone, and that habit has now become a critical emotional tool. When the big emotions start to overwhelm, the frustration, the sadness, the anger, a quick run through our local nature area is often the best medicine.
The situation isn't better, and the grief certainly hasn't been resolved, but the physical act of running brings immediate, undeniable relief. The headache eases, the brain fog lifts, and we create just enough space to breathe. Movement doesn't erase the feeling; it processes it. It reminds us that we are strong and capable, even when we feel broken.
2. Fueling the Foundation: Gut, Water, and Sleep
When you are grieving, the simple acts of survival can feel monumental. Yet, we commit to them because they are the foundation of our ability to cope:
We Eat (Even Just a Little): We prioritize eating, even if it’s just small, simple meals. We know our bodies need the fuel.
The Gut-Brain Connection: We drink our water, and we’ve been intentional about adding fiber to our diets. Why? Because an astonishing 90% of our body's serotonin, the key neurotransmitter that stabilizes mood and promotes feelings of well-being, is made in the gut. Keeping our gut biome healthy is a step toward keeping our minds resilient.
Prioritizing Sleep: Sleep is our reset button. In the evenings, we consciously create a calming environment. We limit screen time and replace it with quiet connection: reading silently while sitting together, lighting candles in the fireplace, and snuggling under blankets on the couch. This isn't perfection; it’s a practice we rely on.
3. Showing Up and Sitting in the Suck
Perhaps the most important thing we are doing is showing up for ourselves and for each other, even imperfectly. As adults, we are letting our adolescents see us cry. We are modeling that strength is not the absence of tears, but the willingness to let them fall.
We acknowledge the deep, pervasive truth: this sucks, and there is nothing we can do to fix it.
We let our children take space they need, whether it’s walking around in the dark of the backyard to look up at the sky or just standing on the porch to feel the rain on their face. We allow the feeling to be what it is, knowing that acknowledging the dark is the first step toward finding a little bit of light.
None of this is done perfectly, even when life is good. But because we practice these routines when life is manageable, we have the tools available when life feels hard.
If you are going through a difficult time right now, know that you are not alone. Prioritize the basics. Keep showing up. And remember to spend time with those you love and who love you.